What the…

Sometimes I have no passion for anything but passion. I have only 3 things. I love God, I trust Jesus, and He heals me. Things may be totally whacked out in all appearances, but I have those truths that stand like stonehenge in the middle of a desert. Perhaps the greatest of those truths is that I trust Jesus. The emotion of love can waver and I can only take it as an accomplished fact because God is so lovable. And the fact that Jesus heals me COMES from the trust. Didn’t Jesus walk around saying ‘your faith has made you well’.. I think my trust in Jesus is the greatest of the three. How do I trust in Him? As my saviour.. from everything bad.. as my healer from all ills.. as my comfort, my shelter, my strong tower.. the lover of my soul, my best friend. How do I trust my Jesus who has taken up residence in me, to become one with me and make me like Him.. I trust Him with my everything. Where do those old thoughts come from? that God is far away, and blesses irregularly, rarely.. Oh I don’t know.. I want those thoughts gone. I give myself to Jesus, mighty God. the bright morning star, beautiful, God among us. Things don’t look good but that doesn’t matter, because it is written ‘let the weak say ‘I am strong”.. I don’t know what to do, I’m at a loss without God stepping in. I have to trust Him to step in, and if I don’t trust Him right then I have to trust Him to make me right. This is what it is to be held. what’s that song? to have the sacred torn from your life, and you survive. oh that’s funny, i was writing about it and it just came on. I’m listening to it now. Sometimes you have been suffering for so long you think it would be atypical or strange, or fearful for God to change it, heal it. But God will take you to wonderful places even if you are afraid. Because there are only wonderful things to be gotten from God. He’s all good, all great, all wonderous. Who cares about childhood catholic thoughts about God being afar off and stern.. we only care about the revelation that God himself has given us, about His love and sweetness. oh His sweetness, it makes me want to cry. I wish we could get closer to God. I wish there wasn’t the barrier of self. The barrier of worldliness. I only wish to be with God. what’s that song from ‘love actually’? ‘All I want for Christmas.. is You.. make my wish come true.. all I want for Christmas is You..’ I would like to sing that song to God and have Him grant me my wish, to witness His beauty every day, to feel His love always, to live in His mighty power. I happen to be slightly drunk at the moment.. one would think that drunkeness would take one AWAY from God, but I’m sitting here pining for closeness to Him. Pining for a life lived at one with His love. I’m feeling schmoozy romantic for God; He’s all I want. So I’m writing this lovey dovey blog post to Him in hopes that He’ll read it and take pity on me. Take pity on a heart that beats only for Him. I’m a shell without Him, He’s my everything. I wish I could have written one of the love letters in the bible, but I don’t have the words. 26 letters is all I got, to tell you how I feel about you, I try to express with adjectives of thankfulness.. that’s a cute song too.. How can we sing to God when we can’t hold a tune? How can I write a poem when I don’t understand iambic pentamater? What can I do for You God to give You a little sugar? I love You God, I thank You Jesus for coming down to save us, for dying, for taking on our sin.. You did it all, for us.. I am what You make me. I owe it all to You. How can I ever give anything to you? I want to be your friend, you know, all squinchy like moses, so that you would like my friendship.. that way I would be giving my friendship to You and You would like it. Dear God, hear my prayer, feel my longing for you, bless me, favor me, have mercy on me, bow down and meet me here. I know I’m not a good Christian, but love me anyway. Save me in spite of worst case scenario. Because You are a great a wonderful God, so kind and tender. Hear me Oh God, I love You so, I need You so, don’t deny me You presence in my life, always. Come to me, sweet Lord. I will gladly give up the worldly self to be with You.