What the…

sometimes I listen to a song and I wish that I had musical talent.. you know what I mean? It’s so beautiful and inspiring sometimes. maybe not that the SONG is beautiful and inspiring.. it could be kid rock’s ‘i wanna be a cowboy’ that does it for me. It’s just the FACT of the song, that something can do that to a person. move you, stir your passions like that. I don’t wish to be a STAR, nothing like that.. but to WRITE songs, like tom waits.. to create things like that, would be so wonderful. I don’t think I’m a creative person, but I think I have a little bit of a longing, you know? to add things. I mean wouldn’t it be nice to add beauty? to make something.. I must be having a mid-life crisis or something. I do like photography. but I don’t like the fact that I totally have to learn photoshop and stuff. complicated and bloated software. tho I’m sure it’s wonderful and all. I don’t like reading big books that I forget each page as I’m reading it.
I’m a shy person, but inside I’m like screaming for the passion of God.. God is going to have to tell me to settle down again.. I think perhaps I AM a passionate person, and that’s just coming out now.. now that I have God. because God inspires passion, don’t you think? hmmmm, are Christians ALLOWED to be passionate? lol I’m wondering if there’s any cautions in the bible about ‘passions’. Are we allowed to be creative? or is that impulse sort of wanting to be like God? it’s strange the types of questions that are so basic and totally unanswered for me. It may seem a weird question, but my hubby has been like almost totally blocked artistically since becoming a Christian, so I wonder about stuff like that sometimes.. why Christian pop music isn’t as good as secular pop music.. I don’t know, there is U2 I guess.. they are supposedly Christian. but then you gotta wonder about songs like ‘I still haven’t found what I’m lookin’ for’.. Sometimes I think my hubbies artistic block may be self imposed, because people get a little stilted when they become Christian, think they have to give up the world.. which you sorta do. Maybe God has to block everything and then starts over later with His stuff. When I was first a Christian I couldn’t MOVE. I couldn’t do anything haha. I couldn’t even go out for coffee without stumbling. God has to scribble you out and rewrite you. Now I can even watch horror movies, pretty much without batting an eye. Anyway, I’m watching another day go by. I don’t have the ‘right’ photoshop book to read. gotta get hubby to download one for me. I’m feeling totally lazy about the whole thing in that I’m not real confident that I CAN learn how to use photoshop. plus I don’t feel like working that hard to try and remember a zillion software thingamajigs. I learned how to use corel draw way back when, but my brain worked better back then. I think maybe I will attempt to do a tutorial or two, see if that makes me feel better or worse..