Yeah it’s not so easy to think cheery thoughts when you are just in a funky mood. I try to do like the secret said and think to myself ‘i am so happy and grateful now that…..’ and i think of good stuff, and it kinda works, but a funky mood is heavy and it’s not so easy to lift my spirits. Frankly in the book they don’t address that much, they say ‘listen to music, or sing’… and i”m always listening to music, i can listen to music and be in a bad mood, i’ll tell you that for free. So if anybody has any suggestions on how to shift your mood for the better I would be happy to hear them!
Actually, I have changed my mind about ‘The Secret’.. It may be mumbo jumbo to call God ‘the universe’.. but we can ignore that bit. I think it’s a very good idea to have a whole book about that sort of thing, change your thinking, change your life stuff. I have been feeling A WHOLE LOT better since I have sort of been guiding my thoughts toward health and wealth and such. well maybe I’m having less luck with the wealth thoughts, but certainly the health thoughts have made me feel alot alot alot better. And it’s very freeing to think you don’t HAVE TO think about all the bad stuff to ’solve the problem’.. it’s like an excuse to do heroin 
But anyway, I was popping ativan at least once a day, to give myself a feeling of well being, and NOW, I seem to be able to do it on my own. It IS a little bit hard to counter act a bad feeling when it’s rising up in you, but it’s worth it.. if you just remember that the bad feelings/thoughts are BAD for you, it’s pretty easy to give them up. When you think about how the bad thoughts are bringing bad things into your life, well, hasta la vista baby.
There’s a part of me thats on ‘feel sorry for myself’ crack, so i have to break that habit. But I think we all want to feel good, even if we do have bad habits. So even though the book is totally whack at times, I think over all it’s a great idea to change your thinking for the better.
my husband moved the air conditioner over at this end of the room, by the couch that i sit on… aaaaaah, it’s heavenly. before he had it at the other end of our very long living room, by HIS computer station, so he sat there all day and was cool.. now I’M cool I love it when my husband takes care of me.. I’m like totally sexist that way I guess. But I just want to feel loved and taken care of.. I wonder how many other women are that way, deep down. Only it’s not so deep down with me anymore haha. I readily admit it! I’m having hot flashes baby, doooooooo somethiiiiiing 
I just wanted to say, that if you have a bad back, memory foam mattresses SUCK. They feel like heaven when you first lie down, but they react to core body heat during the night, and sorta sink in the middle of where you are sleeping, so that the middle of your back, which should have the most support, ends up in a big dip. you wake up with your back killing you. not that any mattress can help if you have a really bad back, but some help more than others.. a nice pillow top simmons beauty rest is good sometimes.. but the best way i have found to sleep is to go to a foam store, you know the kind that usually make beds for RVs and such. and get yourself a chunk of thick supportive but soft regular FOAM, and then put some egg carton toppers on it. my back still hurts in the morning, but i can pretty much sleep through the night, and don’t wake up in tears.
I finally took the roll of film in from one of my lomo cameras, and it was a great disappointment to me. I don’t see any advantage to the film version and a fake lomo effect on my computer. Plus half of my film was BLANK, and there’s no explanation for that. there was alot of out of focus pictures of my dog, where she was too close. and the results in indoor light are not artistic.
One camera I’m looking at buying is the Sigma DP-1, it has a large sensor so it’s pictures have really nice clarity, and the quality of the light is almost a glowy silver. Granted there’s nothing artistic about the pictures, but they sure are purday. it’s $800 though, so perhaps I’ll have to wait until Christmas to get it. here’s a link to some sample pictures from the DP-1 *click here*
What the heck do you have to type into google to simply find out what the best digital cameras are? and I mean out of the camera image quality, WITH artistic merit… usually about every 2 years I start off on a digital camera search for the holy grail. The last time, I found the Ricoh GRD II quite by accident, it’s a pretty cool camera, but for some reason it either made me hope for more, or made me dissatisfied. but I actually bought a couple lomo film cameras since then, though I haven’t actually had any film from them developed hehe. But are all the digicams basically the same? or are they hiding stuff like the GRD from us? I want a camera that ADDS to what I do, not takes away from it, or faithfully reproduces what it sees. I seriously have dreams about it. A camera that makes art. Why doesn’t somebody bloody well invent it? I’ve been a photographer for about 25 years and this lack of camera is starting to really take the joy out of it. The GRD is the first time since i was young that I have come close to that black and white film in an AE-1 feeling, can you imagine looking for a new camera that long??
A friend of mine says unless i want to die like elvis i have to get off the years of sleeping pills. I have to take so many now, and take them with pain killers and ativan, just to get a bit of sleep, not usually until the wee hours of the morning. He says it will be hell to quit, but i’ve got to do it. Now isn’t that a cheery thought?
I bought the book ‘The Secret’ tonight. I don’t normally buy new age mass hysteria books lol. But i’ve been so negative lately, and it’s true even in the Christian tradition that thoughts are things. So I figured it couldn’t hurt to get a whole book on the subject and drive it into my head that I just shouldn’t be thinking and feeling the way i do. it’s very irresponsible of me I’ve only read just into the second chapter so far, but I’m enjoying it, it’s simple reading, and very calming. Will let you know if I recommend.
Update: I don’t recommend the secret, calling God ‘the universe’ is mumbo jumbo.. and believing you will get 100 million dollars by the end of the month, couldn’t be considered in God’s will for most of us who don’t have the capacity, so it’s just delusion, not faith…
I’ve been up for 2 days straight. I just got pissed off at my insomnia and taking a whack of pills every night to go to sleep, and the pills don’t even work. So I just stayed up. I was tired enough to sleep a couple times, but I wanted to see canadian idol tonight. now idol is over and i’m wide awake. tho i do feel like i’m gonna hurl. So I’m eating chocolate covered licorice and feeling like maybe i’ll stay up another day. what’s a little psychosis between friends?
I always had these demonic rushes of anger against God, like when I was suffering too much. I used to feel so horrible when those feelings came up, because I knew they weren’t true, because I looooove God, and Jesus is my Saviour who DOES save me. It may take a long to get all saved up. But He saves me and I love Him.
The other day I let myself SIT in this anger of God, and I realized that it may be true deep inside of me, that I was angry at God for letting me suffer. It was a terrible thing to sit in the middle of. It lasted about 3 days, I was giving the feeling to the foot of Jesus’ cross, and letting Him handle it. I feel soooo much better now that that feeling is gone and I’m free to just love my sweet Jesus Christ.
I feel nice tonight. I feel complete, whole, a fullness to my body that I can’t explain. But I know it feels like God. Yes, I finally have that feeling in my bones that God promised me about 7 years ago. He once told me what being a Christian is like, by showing me the feeling I have right now. Isn’t it funny, how you wait so long for God’s promises to come thru, complaining all the way, and when it finally arrives, you forget the pain of waiting. Must be what childbirth is like; as soon as you hold your baby, you just feel the love and forget how much it hurt and how long you waited. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had a child, but that’s what I’ve heard. It’s best not to complain too much, otherwise you might remember. It’s like carving it in the stone of your memory, words can do that, create a frame of reference, a benchmark. But if you don’t put it into words, the pain will be forgotten. I feel good!
I have been blessed with a dear friendship. His name is Brother Tony, a preacher from Alabama. And it seems he wants to blog with us! So I installed another wordpress blog for him. That’s the only thing wrong with wordpress imho. It doesn’t have the ability for multiple blogs. But I don’t mind a little bit of extra work, for dear Tony. I hope he enjoys the blog, and I’m going to have to learn how to get readers! I’ve never bothered for my own blogs since they are boring as all get out. But I’m sure we all want to keep an eye on Brother Tony’s Blog check it out chyeah!
August 11, 2007 – 7:08 pm
who wants facebook, or myspace, lol everything is more of a pain in the ass than anything.. and the dream is always ellusive..
I finally broke down and looked into facebook. At the urging of family. Now I have 3 friends, well.. family, on my page. But I have been having fun looking for cool apps to put on it. Though when you google for apps they always seem to be talking about the same ones. Anyway, it’s kinda cool even though big brother is probably watching me.
i managed to rearrange my furniture into a new room WITHOUT decorating advice. we have TONS of floor space now. it’s a total trek across the living room. i’m going out to look for a cool fan, one that’s sort of decorative. coz right now the air conditioning is just blowing on the back of the tv. the only thing that messed me up is a surge protector cord isn’t long enuff, but hubby says he can rearrange things to make it all work. our place looks huge! i’m so excited. my hubby still has to fix up his computer area tho. but all in all we are pretty near done!
I’ve been searching the net for days for decorating/rearranging ideas, and if i hear the words ‘focal point’ one more time i’m going to kill my focal point just to watch it die. can’t they think of anything other than areas rugs and moving the couches away from the wall to be different? hellooooo if they are all saying the same thing, it’s not DIFFERENT! and besides, i’m rearranging to get my couches BACK against the wall, you know, to have FLOOR SPACE.. sheesh. and my dog would just pee all over an area rug…. anyway, i’m totally disgusted that i can’t find anything inspiring on the net. something i should be used to by now.
I have decided I’m going to put my computer on an accent table at the end of the couch. Since I have an iMac there’s only the monitor and keyboard.. oh and the mouse. the mouse will be a little bit of a problem. the table i have in mind is pretty small. but at least i won’t be staring at the back of the tv while i’m on my puter.. and my husband will have the entire computer area to himself. and i bought him another set of ikea shelves for all his computer crap. ..yeah we had a wee trip to ikea tonight, i spent a hundred bucks, on not much. i think that essential things should be free does that make me a communist? lol maybe.. i just think that people should be taken care of. actually i think that just makes me a Christian.
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